Poisoning pigeons

There’s a bunch of mad old guys in the neighbourhood who come out and feed the pigeons, which then crap all over benches, bicycles and toddlers. One of the locals has discovered how to make them stop. He puts a handful of salt in his pocket, lies in wait till he sees them emptying their bags of mouldy bread, and then goes and sprinkles salt over their meal. “What’s that you’re feeding them?” they ask with a conspiratorial smile. “Rat poison,” he says.

(This is a variant on the gag allegedly perpetrated by the old woman round the corner who is kept awake at night by a drunks and thieves on the street below. Her trick is to empty buckets of water over the throng whilst shouting, “BLEEEAACCCHHH!!!”)

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