Should conservative catholics even be allowed to play chess?

It’s that queen complex, you see.

I predict that this unfortunate case of lung consumption (via Kylie Minogue’s best friend) will be traced to the distress and confusion caused by a pawn changing gender on reaching the other end. Alexander Neckam wrote this up in the 13th century, along with the murder by Reginald, son of Eymund, of his opponent with the chessboard at the court of Charlemagne, but this valuable insight was presumably ditched by Vatican II. (Bobby Fisher asked for a Catholic burial, but has Rome produced, rather than converted any famous champions?)

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