How to save the cinema industry

Most films are too slow and long, so play everything double speed (without transposing up an octave) and watch multiplex gate receipts soar. You won’t sell twice the popcorn, but refreshment consumption will rise as well because it is in part a function of plot structure.

I watch a lot of films faster and with subtitles in whichever language is going. From this week’s crop: Frozen is still pretty vomitsome at 2* (I thought Disney was meant to be OK now), but 300: Rise of an Empire is quite good at 4*.

Next up: how to save the PP from Gallardón.

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  1. A noble lord reminds me that there is a kind of precedent: the tempo and pitch hikes used in pre-metronomic/440Hz music to make one sound more exciting than the competition – the truth is that Farinelli was a self-pollard.

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