A snail-fuelled footwear cooling and lubrication system

The other day, with in temperatures in the mid-30s, some folks dragged me out of retirement to go walking on a bunch of limestone. I was in sandals, but my feet were still pretty warm, and the fine dust gradually started creating fissures in my naturally dry skin. But then, eureka.

Snails like limestone, whether “because it provides abundant calcium or because it often erodes into deep cracks, providing a refuge.” Passing through an area with knee-high grasses, dozens of tiny snails began to tumble from the blades into the front end of my sandals. As they made their way back between sandal and foot they were crushed, relieving both heat and dryness, and eventually dropped out at the heel end.

I guess you could adapt the system for normal shoes using a conical shovel attachment to catch falling snails, and perhaps hikers outside limestone areas could carry intensive snail breeder units in their backpacks, or in their shorts.

The front-to-back processing of the coolant is reminiscent of Kinger Huang’s Compression cooling system of shoe midsole (US patent 5341581 A):

A compression cooling system of a shoe midsole comprises mainly a main body, an air sac and an air duct. The air sac is disposed in the main body such that the air sac is corresponding in location to the heel of a shoe. Two one-way valves are disposed on predetermined portions of the air sac. The air duct has one end that is connected with one of the two one-way valves and has another end that extends to reach the upper surface of the shoe midsole. The treading and the jogging actions of the foot wearing the shoe bring about the pumping effect of the air sac, thereby generating a stream of suction to cause the air inside and outside the shoe to circulate.

And the idea also reminds me of the Spanish railway age myth that the British/French/Jews lubricated rails with baby fat.

But my legal adviser tells me that no one’s going to be able to take from me the proceeds from this marvellous invention.

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