- First things first: Ryanair to fix up a service to get Polly Tuscany from Lancashire to her eco bear- and wolf-hunting meridional estates and then do a Phones4U on her
- The UK parliament to relocate to a well-fenced camp near Dunsop Bridge, Lancashire – think Pontins-le-Moors. (Why? Centrality, my dear: if you cut out the outline of mainland UK on a piece of card, it will balance if you pivot in on a point just outside Brennand Farm, near Dunsop Bridge.)
- In particularly hard winters it may transfer to the Laurel and Hardy museum in Ulverston.
- Looby, the drinking man’s Proust, to be parliamentary gigolo and bard, but he has to study Formby and forget all that freaking European shite, except the Chantilly undies.
- The Scottish, Greater London, and Northern Ireland saucières to be abolished. What have they ever done for us?
- Their budget and the proceeds from the sale of their palaces to be returned to les citoyens in fancy gift wrapping by catamites on camels.
- A series of regional assemblies composed of regional MPs from the UK parliament to meet on Wednesdays in pubs in beautiful Clitheroe.
- There will be more assemblies than pubs, but an establishment out on the Whalley road have said they will do a bilingual menu for the Cornish separatists.
- If a pub closes, so does the assembly.
- Demands by poorer regions for complete fiscal autonomy to be dealt with under the provisions of the Mental Health Act.
- Boris Johnson to be strung up by his knackers, but let’s get it right this time boys.
- Contacts with Brussels and other alien civilisations (far more advanced than we) to be restricted to Pendle Moor. What have they etc etc
- Release of films dealing with Our Glorious History or Mother Nature to be contingent on the clearly pronounced “Nihil obstat” of a collectivity of senior goats.
- Goats to be well fed.
- All and any dissidents to be dealt with by the dissidentist: “As I pull your tooth out, / I’ll sing this melody, / So every time you scream and shout / It sounds like harmony.” Musical accompaniment by the Darwen Band.
- The Chipping Ongar (Essex) railway has a diesel gala and beer festival tomorrow.
Edavenicknige & Scottish Fisheries, are you listening?
- Guardian prints any old bollocks about Catalonia
There’s a terrible piece by James Sturcke in the Guardian today on the statute of autonomy. It repeats various stale myths
- Betting on secession
A boring morning: I can’t find anyone who, following yesterday’s Catalan parliamentary elections, is prepared to bet against a ruling coalition
- Lord of the G-Strings versus Pak Drac
Fleshbot quotes from the blurb of a moving picture that is unlikely to be showing at a cinema near you: In the
- Dictatorship of the castriat
Don Colin, who has more members than Lingual S&M, wonders whether this is de la abeja rodillas. Just out of interest,
- The better the host, the worse his accommodations
From MM: The [London Natural History Society] traces its roots back to 1858, when the Haggerstone Entomological Society was founded in June