February 2020 tweets

London (Hackney/Lea Valley/Walthamstow), Winchester, Swanmore, Knaresborough. The baby, Gene Vincent’s drummer, Solomon Lever, homo Staffordiensis, Joaquín Turina (Poema en forma de canciones para trombón…).

Mr Baiyat of Trust Shoes, Walthamstow High Street, has not popped his clogs (died) but simply taken his shoes off (gone on holiday).

Mr Baiyat of Trust Shoes, Walthamstow High Street, has not popped his clogs (died) but simply taken his shoes off (gone on holiday).


Bio: Kazoo Academy & Barrel Organ Disco/Yorkshire Almanac/translator Romance & Germanic languages & Russian/old-style jazz trombone & vocals/brass bands/allotmenteer

  • Sat Feb 01 00:35 Historia de Barcelona, 1/2: * 1568: Auto de fe en el Born (0) * 1624: Faltan provisiones en Barcelona por la nieve (10+7) * 1809: Edicto anti-rave (242) * 1830: Nieva (8) * 1848: Los puercos de San Antonio (345+23) * 1881: Nace La Vanguardia, órgano del…
  • Sat Feb 01 08:44 @sajidjavid 's "north England" is a bit unusual, but ngram decline in "the north of England" & overall mentions is quite shocking
  • Sat Feb 01 08:47 Comment: @sajidjavid But "the north of england" vs "the south of england" suggests it may not be part of a literary conspiracy to silence the north
  • Sat Feb 01 09:04 Yurop
  • Sat Feb 01 10:41 "What do you mean, you thought it would be good to let me sleep for eight-and-a-half hours? I've already been here for 16 weeks, and there is so much I haven't seen!"
  • Sat Feb 01 10:45 This was always my Calvinistic Methodist objection
  • Sat Feb 01 22:30 For sale locally: surplus homemade Lea Valley blackberry jam (2019). Price includes delivery during wanderings around Hackney & surrounding districts.
  • Sun Feb 02 00:33 Historia de Barcelona, 2/2: * 1428: Terremoto de la Candelaria (95) * 1637: Pagado el altar mayor de Santa María del Mar, pero al cronista le parece dinero perdido (38+19) * 1848: Bendición de las candelas (491) * 1919: Pla: Arribà l’oncle Martí de la…
  • Mon Feb 03 00:34 Historia de Barcelona, 3/2: * 1112: Boda en Arlés de Ramón Berenguer III y Dulce de Provenza, inaugurando el dominio de la Casa de Barcelona en Provenza y, según la leyenda, de los trovadores provenzales en Barcelona (0+476) * 1510: Regocijos públicos…
  • Mon Feb 03 21:51 The fixed look of delighted amazement after chewing on a fried-pork-fat-covered finger is surely a good predictor of babe's future attitude to spare ribs
  • Tue Feb 04 00:37 Historia de Barcelona, 4/2: * 1387: El concilio de Juan I de Aragón se decide por el antipapa, Clemente (24) * 1493: Romería de los reyes católicos a Montserrat (16) * 1848: Los bailes particulares (1675) * 1872: Antonio López y López regala dos altas…
  • Tue Feb 04 15:10 Comment: @IrishCycle @Hackneycyclist And nothing beats diesel and sea air.
  • Tue Feb 04 21:27 Of course the Walthamstow Wetlands are reservoirs, not wetlands, but it sounds better
  • Tue Feb 04 21:28 Toddler used to sit on ill-lit bench against wall for dinner. When parents moved, they discovered a reverse Turin shroud of Weetabix etc on the wall
  • Wed Feb 05 00:34 Historia de Barcelona, 5/2: * 1567: Torneo en el Born (19) * 1601: Gran nevada (0) * 1640: Entra el conde de Santa Coloma tras su victoria (pírrica) en Salses (183) * 1848: La fiesta de Sta. Águeda y un refrán misterioso (60) * 1919: Pla: La meva…
  • Wed Feb 05 09:14 Lovely photo of a stonechat (apparently)
  • Wed Feb 05 18:09 Cost-effective alternatives to HS2 - my favourite is no. 33 - bikepaths next to A roads & motorways (there's an obligation at a very basic level for motorways in Spain) - but the rail options are pretty thrilling too
  • Wed Feb 05 21:29 Lady doing about 20 kph down Walthamstow High Street the other day on an e-scooter with her handlebars tied to the pram in front of her. Not hard to imagine what might go wrong
  • Wed Feb 05 21:32 When it's ajar, obvs. Except he wasn't cremated
  • Thu Feb 06 00:32 Historia de Barcelona, 6/2: * 1461: Negociación entre Juan II de Aragón y los catalanes sobre el encarcelamiento de Carlos de Viana (29) * 1610: Gran nevada y helada (58) * 1919: Pla: .Montjuïc * 1939: Falta de confianza en los mercados después de la…
  • Thu Feb 06 14:27 Why doesn't anyone call the world's richest man Jeff Embezzlement?
  • Thu Feb 06 17:10 See C17th Venetian acrobats
  • Thu Feb 06 21:33 Comment: @mrmarksteel Communist? Didn't you see the swastikas?
  • Fri Feb 07 00:31 Historia de Barcelona, 7/2: * 1163: Alfonso II reconoce los derechos locales de Barcelona (10) * 1564: Llega Felipe II a Valldonzella en la vispera de su primera entrada como rey (14+5) * 1848: Los bailes de buen tono (1520) * 1919: Pla: A la Biblioteca…
  • Fri Feb 07 22:19 German humour In the Netherlands you ask for een pilsje en een jonge, and hope that many iterations thereof don't end in Corporal Jurgen S.L. giving you an impromptu haircut
  • Sat Feb 08 00:30 Historia de Barcelona, 8/2: * 1461: Sublevación a favor de Carlos de Viana; fuga de Galcerán de Requesens (22) * 1554: Nuestra Señora de Montserrat resucita a un niño muerto (176) * 1630: Magnífico espectáculo y fiesta de disfraces para la infanta María…
  • Sat Feb 08 20:00 The English may make you eat sprout tops and other awful things in winter, but at least they haven't discovered calçots
  • Sat Feb 08 20:03 New borns
  • Sun Feb 09 00:31 Historia de Barcelona, 9/2: * 1425: Una gran procesión pública pide ayuda contra los terremotos (114) * 1842: Primer día de Cuaresma, 1842 (67) * 1848: Los dentistas y la fiesta de su patrón, santa Apolonia (278) * 1919: Pla: Diumenge * ☼ 07:52-18:18,…
  • Sun Feb 09 08:56 Leucistic stags & Occitan troubadours
  • Sun Feb 09 20:23 Can I get a job teaching parentese? Babe never shuts up @petersymon
  • Sun Feb 09 20:38 Adorable photos. Just waiting for: Spwing is spwung, da gwass is wizz, I wonder where dem boidies is. Da boid is on da wing? Absoid! Da wing is on da tweetie boid! Not by Ogden Nash or Spike Milligan...
  • Sun Feb 09 22:16 I have always had a soft spot for Ronnie Hazlehurst's telly ditties
  • Sun Feb 09 22:20 Comment: Via
  • Mon Feb 10 00:29 Historia de Barcelona, 10/2: * 1319: Privilegio de Jaime II concediendo a Barcelona el derecho de usar pendón (163) * 1887: Intensa nevada (19) * 1939: Pla publica su "retorno sentimental de un catalán" (537) * 1944: Ejecutado Justo Bueno, "asesino de…
  • Mon Feb 10 22:38 Now we've left the EU, can we introduce something like the German to replace our chaotic & unfair system of concessionary railcards?
  • Tue Feb 11 00:28 Historia de Barcelona, 11/2: * 1742: Nace Ramón Lázaro de Dou, último cancelario de la Universidad de Cervera (19+58) * 1873: Proclamación de la Primera República (0/i) * 1919: Pla: Les porteres de Barcelona no arriben a fer mai, quan parlen amb la gent,…
  • Tue Feb 11 18:01 Spain has always looked up to British democracy, and now radicals talk of their replacing their failing Senate with a copy of our splendid House of Lords
  • Tue Feb 11 18:01 Fascinating morning interviewing Stanley Johnson inter alia re his relationship with Boris
  • Tue Feb 11 18:37 HS2. It is said that most of the Cabinet believes that Birmingham is in north England
  • Wed Feb 12 00:31 Historia de Barcelona, 12/2: * 1808: Bienvenida con reservas para las tropas de Napoleón; infelicidades meteorológicas y eclesiásticas; Brusi entra en la clandestinidad tras confiscarse su Diario de Barcelona (7+552) * 1826: Corre agua del nuevo…
  • Wed Feb 12 08:52 Millie Small's (white production team's) tribute to the great classicist I think "going Dutch" would be regarded as quaint rather than offensive now
  • Wed Feb 12 08:53 Comment: @thhamilton Don't you just google "New Hampshire results"?
  • Wed Feb 12 08:56 (enforced) insomnia
  • Wed Feb 12 08:57 Comment: @lordbonkers @awb58 The architects clearly imagined a bustling community, but it's curiously dead
  • Wed Feb 12 09:57 Millie Small, the Bournvita girl
  • Wed Feb 12 12:29 Comment: @tombcn Comparison: no one recognised Mandela as president of RSA towards the end of apartheid, even though morally he clearly had that status - something which you probably can't say of Guaidó
  • Wed Feb 12 23:12 Just what she wanted for Valentine's: 6 more pounds of marmalade. The Turk on Walthamstow High St/St James' St was selling Seville oranges off for less than half the price of the Hackney hipster
  • Thu Feb 13 00:32 Historia de Barcelona, 13/2: * 1939: Una "operación policial" sustituye a la guerra civil (117) * 1960: Amistad al azar entre un marinero estadounidense y un niño sordo (50) * ☼ 07:47-18:23, 10:35 horas; ☾ luna menguante, iluminación 49,38%, antigüedad…
  • Thu Feb 13 08:54 I think that the rebellious grocer's apostrophe used by Brumbeat band The Ugly's cleared the path for the heavy metal umlaut
  • Thu Feb 13 13:45 Mr Baiyat of Trust Shoes, Walthamstow High Street, has not popped his clogs (died) but simply taken his shoes off (gone on holiday).
  • Thu Feb 13 14:10 The blackberry jam cupboard: no way we're going to eat 28 pots by July, so another 15 must go
  • Thu Feb 13 20:27 Hackney, Tower Hamlets, Waltham Forest, Lee Valley Park & the rest all go on about wildlife (and harass illegal raves because of their impact on wildlife) but then cheerfully privatise their most sensitive zones to the most environmentally destructive twats imaginable
  • Thu Feb 13 23:17 Comment: @XerxestheMagian Relax man

  • Fri Feb 14 00:31 Historia de Barcelona, 14/2: * 1257: Expansión de la participación en el gobierno político (20+27) * 1494: Primera edición de las constituciones catalanas de Johann Rosenbach (60+494) * 1630: María Ana de Austria se muestra muy religiosa (1147) * 1845:…
  • Fri Feb 14 18:34 Two birds in the bush
  • Fri Feb 14 20:23 More honest of the cops to say that they have no objection to a brothel as long as there aren't too many fights?
  • Sat Feb 15 00:32 Historia de Barcelona, 15/2: * 1519: Carlos I de España entra y jura los fueros (36+23) * 1603: Tres palmos de nieve en Collserola (132) * 1938: Cuatro días de nevada (33) * 1971: Pete Seeger da su primer concierto en Barcelona en el bar de la familia de…
  • Sat Feb 15 16:36 RT @EugeneDH_Bass: Please send an objection to the email on the poster below! This is a nature reserve, and the breeding birds using the si…
  • Sat Feb 15 19:11 "the company has on sight parking"
  • Sat Feb 15 20:55 I suppose a petrifying well like Knaresborough's might also function as a putrifying well if you threw in a badger instead of a bicycle. Pitt the Elder:
  • Sat Feb 15 20:57 The sweatshop seems to be losing walls to the wind quite quickly since a developer applied to build 19 storeys on its site
  • Sat Feb 15 22:32 Lever Court, after Solomon Lever, whose family fled the western Russian Empire at the turn of the C20th, & who ran the Jewish Bakers' Union & Hackney Council before dying during a robbery . Another block nearby is named for a less decent politico
  • Sun Feb 16 00:30 Historia de Barcelona, 16/2: * 1528: Guerra contra Francia e Inglaterra (23) * 1604: Nevada sobre la ciudad (0) * 1615: Nevada (0) * 1711: Los ingleses pierden un buque de guerra frente a la costa (87) * 1809: Decreto por el qual se manda sacar de…
  • Sun Feb 16 08:52 Why I always google "Hackney weather" instead of using the BBC: as clickbait Auntie sometimes show maximum gust speed instead of average wind speed, leading naive souls to believe that this morning will be particularly savage. Images: Google (< & Beeb

  • Sun Feb 16 09:42 Historical necessity
  • Sun Feb 16 10:19 After 4 months of us imitating her, babe now imitates us, so perhaps time to say byebye to "bollocks", uttered in good humour several times an hour
  • Sun Feb 16 12:18 Stafford man knows what he likes & likes what he knows: Carling Black Label

  • Sun Feb 16 16:56 It's a grim day when even being pushed for an hour under plane tree branches won't send babe to sleep. To exile plane trees from parks because of allergy allegations by people who have never got out enough is to condemn pram-pushers to even greater gloom.
  • Sun Feb 16 17:07 Translating colloquial Portuguese for the first time in a while. My first native speaker was a villainous looking builder who gave me a lift from Aínsa to Barbastro early on a Sunday morning. His first, hoarse utterance: "Te gushtan os porrush?", "Do you like spliffs?"
  • Sun Feb 16 17:37 Comment: @Ktulu4cat Haha so maybe there's some truth in the stereotypes. He was very stoned - God knows how we got round all the bends.
  • Sun Feb 16 20:32 Comment: @DrFrancisYoung Did for ages with George Eliot - what a mistake
  • Mon Feb 17 00:31 Historia de Barcelona, 17/2: * 1566: Solemne oficio en la capilla de la Diputación tras justas en el Born (59) * 1839: Espectáculo del prestidigitador y titiritero Antonio Muñoz en un café de la Rambla (93) * 1846: Abre la escuela de párvulos de san…
  • Tue Feb 18 00:35 Historia de Barcelona, 18/2: * 1566: Se lleva a bañar la Vera Cruz para aliviar la sequia (17+7) * 1919: Pla: Com que la situació de Barcelona continua essent molt delicada i no es pot anar enlloc sense que us facin posar amb els braços enlaire, em quedo…
  • Wed Feb 19 00:34 Historia de Barcelona, 19/2: * 1925: La regulación municipal de los taxis en respuesta al Decreto Real de 25/12/1924 introduce franjas de color amarillo y azul para distinguir su categoría de servicio (1140+15) * 1944: Nieva (10) * ☼ 07:39-18:30, 10:50…
  • Thu Feb 20 00:36 Historia de Barcelona, 20/2: * Jueves Lardero es el 20 de febrero este año; en 1842 fue el 3 de febrero * ... y en 1571 fue el 22 de febrero * ... y en 1848 fue el 2 de marzo * 1809: Edicto por el qual se manda barrer las calles de Barcelona los…
  • Thu Feb 20 11:45 Hadn't seen a Fordson tractor for years, but two early 1960s Super Majors yesterday, on Mayhill Lane, Swanmore & Mill Lane, Droxford. Most of the characteristic blue has come off in this video by a proud South Asian owner:
  • Thu Feb 20 19:03 Stop the Waterworks Festival on the marshes!
  • Thu Feb 20 21:08 Guardian stats on AirBnB listings per total properties are addictive Basically if n > 1% you're living in a poohole
  • Fri Feb 21 00:37 Historia de Barcelona, 21/2: * 1852: Estrena de la comedia bilingüe "La festa del poble", con castells y bailes provinciales (96+114) * 1873: Rebeldes militares de varias regiones de España y con apoyo popular exigen una república federal en la plaza San…
  • Fri Feb 21 08:13 This boat on the Lea has been sequestered by Lilliputians, for whom Captain Noodle has built an accessible entrance
  • Fri Feb 21 08:43 Then there's the joke about the dumb Greek bank robber who wore a baklava.
  • Fri Feb 21 10:41 How can you have a qualification in "Manifestation using the Law Of Attraction and Vision Boards"?
  • Fri Feb 21 15:20 A latemotiv is a theme introduced towards the end of a musical composition
  • Fri Feb 21 19:21 English homophony at the chemist: - Afternoon, I'd like an ice bag for my wrist. - Rashid, have we got an eye patch? - Do I look like a fucking pirate? Cf The Two Ronnies & four candles/fork handles.
  • Sat Feb 22 00:38 Historia de Barcelona, 22/2: * 1550: Celebraciones por la coronación del papa Julio III (15) * 1571: Jueves lardero 1571: justas a costa de la Diputación (23+19) * 1789: Guerra entre cirujanos y médicos sobre una niña con dos cabezas (897+236/i) * 1824:…
  • Sun Feb 23 00:36 Historia de Barcelona, 23/2: * Domingo de Quincuagésima es el 23 de febrero este año; en 1848 fue el 5 de marzo * 1432: La Diputación compra unas casas más para el Palacio de la Generalidad (20+11) * 1559: Entra el virrey García de Toledo en el primer…
  • Mon Feb 24 00:32 Historia de Barcelona, 24/2: * 1560: Fiesta de toros y cañas para celebrar la boda de Felipe II (31) * 1634: Entra como nuevo obispo el castellano García Gil de Manrique, ya presidente de la Diputación del General (39) * 1864: Estreno en el teatro Odeón…
  • Mon Feb 24 08:53 What's the point in spending billions installing tactile paving at kerbs when the much of the paving is broken, pitted with water meters & littered with dockless bikes?
  • Mon Feb 24 12:17 Comment: @XerxestheMagian Whoremonger/whorer/whoreson. Yawn.
  • Mon Feb 24 12:23 On plastic bags
  • Mon Feb 24 13:55 Parenting books have roughly the same predictive power as horoscopes
  • Tue Feb 25 01:02 Historia de Barcelona, 25/2: * 1017: Muere Ramón Borrell (6) * 1565: Torneo de á pie en frente del nuevo palacio del Lugarteniente General (26) * 1793: Herido el científico Méchain inspeccionando una máquina de su colega Salvá, que hace de caballo…
  • Tue Feb 25 08:55 Comment: @tombcn @jayrayner1 Stick the tube from the drain deblocking trucks up their bums
  • Tue Feb 25 11:28 When I played Turina's Spanish impressionist "Poema en forma de canciones" (1917-8) last year, I thought it was the best late-romantic trombone and piano piece on the market, so I transcribed my arrangement @britishtrombone
  • Tue Feb 25 17:22 Comment: @ibexsalad Always been like that with HIV prevention & everything
  • Tue Feb 25 17:24 Oh, to be a baby: massive reverberant shit at the beginning of mother & baby cinema, and talks at the top of her voice all the way through, every time
  • Wed Feb 26 01:06 Historia de Barcelona, 26/2: * Miércoles de ceniza es el 26 de febrero este año; en 1848 fue el 8 de marzo * ... y en 1842 fue el 9 de febrero * 1559: García de Toledo visita los baluartes (19) * 1887: La abolición del cuarto a favor del céntimo hace…
  • Wed Feb 26 16:55 A local politics classic: a Labour council @wfcouncil cheerfully screwing local human & non-human residents to favour wealthy entrepreneurs
  • Wed Feb 26 19:39 New trick: babe sits on my knees facing me, I hold a Casio SA-46 lime-green mini-keyboard to my chest, & she kicks away. Result: Anton Webern meets Gothic organ/steel pans/snare drum/...
  • Wed Feb 26 19:41 Misspelt musicians
  • Thu Feb 27 01:07 Historia de Barcelona, 27/2: * Esta celebración adicional es el 27 de febrero este año; en 1848 fue el 9 de marzo * 1461: En el conflicto catalano-aragonés, noticia de la liberación de Carlos de Viana por su padre Juan II (30) * 1632: Muere Serra, obispo…
  • Thu Feb 27 07:22 The Sweating Sickness, resident in Marbella since the 1960s
  • Thu Feb 27 07:24 No one anywhere in government is rubbing their hands & thinking of the effect this will have on the pensions bill & on the housing shortage
  • Thu Feb 27 07:28 Mr Szirtes on understanding some aspect of culture at least as well as, and probably far better then, the locals, and then being told, by a local, that one is incapable of understanding it at all
  • Thu Feb 27 08:15 Hackney-driven gentrification of North Yorkshire already underway, by the sound of it
  • Fri Feb 28 01:07 Historia de Barcelona, 28/2: * 1461: Prohibición de bailes de carnaval mientras se celebra la paz entre Juan II y Carlos de Viana (57) * 1919: Pla: Inquietud general * ☼ 07:26-18:41, 11:14 horas; ☾ luna menguante, iluminación 49,38%, antigüedad 22 días…
  • Fri Feb 28 21:09 The middleman tells us of his wife's terminal cancer, & the daughter-in-law interested only in hair & nails. He suggests the infant call him "Gangan", & when we leave stands silhouetted in the door, waving until we are out of sight. But we sold her to the highest bidder.
  • Sat Feb 29 01:05 Historia de Barcelona, 29/2: * 1808: Los franceses toman la ciudadela por sorpresa (1114) * ☼ 07:25-18:42, 11:17 horas; ☾ luna menguante, iluminación 49,38%, antigüedad 22 días * Saints output broken. * Tiempo: 00-06: cubierto, 14⁰C; 06-12: nuboso,…
  • Sat Feb 29 11:44 Recent Chrome update appears to kill all session tabs on closure. Fun!
  • Sat Feb 29 15:51 If noisy narcomaniacs are going to be let loose in our marshes, I'm going to start smuggling ferrets into indoor dance nights #NotOnOurMarshes
  • Sat Feb 29 21:03 Confident that my 2 years in a Dutch convent will stand me in good stead if the sprog decides she prefers the RC primary to the ruin. If she goes all CoE on me, I'll become a vicar in order to satisfy the admission criteria. Bonkers
  • Sat Feb 29 22:36 A Cádiz word for fanny, "chumino", allegedly derives from English sailors saying "show me now" to the local ladies
  • Sat Feb 29 22:49 Of course people from South Yorkshire go on holiday in North Yorkshire in February - God's Own County etc etc. Ex-miner from Rothwell/Woodlesford does excellent duck imitations

Bizarrely, Twitter data downloads don't include others' comments on your tweets, or tweets on which you comment, e.g.:

/ I say something
// Someone replies
/// I reply to them
... and so it's impossible to show tweet trees involving third parties correctly.

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