Whatever happened to romance?

I’ve finally figured out why the mountain bike was invented: to keep this lot in order when they head off-piste in the Pyrenees. Lost me, they did. On the other hand, some people (1, 2) seem to manage quite well with straightforward, old-fashioned models. The second goat’s tag is Quand la pauvreté frappe a la porte, l’amour s’enfuit par la fenêtre (When poverty knocks on the door, love flees through the window). In the other country that is the past (or Burkina Faso), love always has a suitably (wo)manned getaway bicycle waiting. In these parts it’s all gone virtual, and I weep into my beer of an evening, dreaming of hollow-horned ruminants past. But not like this.

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  1. Some mad woman rang me up the other day and asked me if she could reprint my Sagrada Família thing. It’s difficult to leave the nationalists alone when it’s so obvious that they are putting huge amounts of resources into something that’s of no use to anyone.

  2. Some important works that make use of the trombone: Schubert’s 9th symphony, Stop! In the Name of Love, Beethoven’s fifth, Trombone Butter, Big Long Slidin’ Thing, Opening Theme from ” Archie Bunker’s Place, Mozart’s Don Giovanni, and … er … Remembering You (closing theme from Archie Bunker’s Place”). One of the best things about playing the trombone is that no one will ever confuse you with Woody Allen.

  3. I tried once to play the trombone in our high school band (I was a flute player). I couldn’t open my mouth or chew anything for days.

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