Anglo-Saxon spam and the Klingon 5th column

The studied use of archaicisms, vowel transposition and misspelled euphemism means that in spam a couple of hundred English proto-dialects are born and die every day. Here is part of a message received this morning from Jesus:

launger eræctoins
ma micelnes in eower beran
mara sæd
betera þe vaigra!

When the men in the white coats come for to carry me home, I will ask that they take me away to Multnomah County, Oregon, where I will be entitled to ask for an interpreter in this or in any other language I desire:

Position Available: Interpreter, must be fluent in Klingon… “We have to provide information in all the languages our clients speak,” said Jerry Jelusich, a procurement specialist for the county Department of Human Services, which serves about 60,000 mental health clients… County officials said that obligates them to respond with a Klingon-English interpreter, putting the language of starship Enterprise officer Worf and other Klingon characters on a par with common languages such as Russian and Vietnamese, and less common tongues including Dari and Tongan… “There are some cases where we’ve had mental health patients where this was all they would speak,” said the county’s purchasing administrator, Franna Hathaway…

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