I’ll get it back, she said

Didn’t think that Today would ever cause a tear to fall.

Though Alzheimer’s often eventually brings relief from the horrors of normal human intercourse, “comida acabada, amistad terminada” often also applies. And I think most of us would prefer to be remembered as the shambling wrecks we were pre-dementia.

I am absolutely in favour of drugs, but an alternative which I don’t think has been considered is a dead man’s handle, which generically kicks in when a simple mechanical test establishes that the engineer is incapacitated.

One implementation would be the implantation of a small explosive device in the back of your skull which is triggered when you fail to perform a simple, self-elected task (e.g. reciting the The Wreck of the Hesperus in a minute) on, let us say, three successive days (no hangover can be that bad).

On the other hand, the device could be set to explode a number of years after you note that you are failing.

On that third hand (which you artfully hid up your sleeve), the premium version (“Thai die”) would

• preserve you;
• kill off your money-grubbing sprogs;
• put your assets into a trust which would acquire, manage and, when appropriate, terminate robotic SE Asian floozies carers;
• when your course is run enable your spirit to escape through your nostrils.

Obviously this would not help the Swiss economy; the nanny state would be vehemently opposed (get a lawyer); and hackers would be a challenge. And I am sure that you will agree on reflection that it is far better to end your days gibbering in a pool of blood and mucous.

Similar posts

• Two serious IT/system problems at Bicing
  They screw up, you
• The titties of María Guevara
  And other childish Venezuelan nature
• Get your authentic copy of Muammar al-Gaddafi’s Green Book before they’re all burnt!
  For sale, 50 hard-cover copies liberated from the Libyan People’s Bureau in London during the legendary 1986 squat party.
• Spain has been different for slightly longer than I thought
  I always thought (and I think most people think) that “Spain is different” originated in the 1960s during Manuel Fraga’s period
• Epitaph of Bernard Fry, surgeon, in St. Mary’s graveyard, Stafford
  Resurrectional doggerel for these dark