T Bell, MD, Kalogynomia, or the laws of female beauty (1821): Professor Blumenbach of Göttingen, whose profound science and perfect impartiality no one can doubt, does not hesitate to say, that the English are the most beautiful people on the globe. Nor is this wonderful when we consider that ENGLAND, perhaps exclusively, presents the combination…
Dead playing pheasant (gamekeeper’s grave on the N estate in what used to be called Central Southern England before Labour, inspired by Norman Tebbit’s dad’s bicycle, decided to demolish the entire north and rebuild it in Southeast England, which unfortunately turned out to be a tad small for the exercise): Keepers’ memorials like the above…
Ángel Palomino, Carta abierta a una sueca (1974) lists various types of Swedish girls, whose presence on the Spanish costas in the 1960s was crucial in many Seat 600 purchase decisions: “suecas suecas, suecas inglesas, suecas francesas, suecas alemanas, incluso españolas. Que a su vez se subdividen en diversas clases: la sueca veinteañera y cimbreada,…
Just to the right of the dedication to Tony and Ingrid, dated 2006, are the faint remains of a similar one to Toni and Ana, dated 2004. What will 2008 bring?
Two elderly ladies have just met for the first time and are sounding each other out: A: My dog is so intelligent it stands by the door and woofs whenever it wants to go out and have a poo. B: My cat is so intelligent it comes in at five o’clock in the morning and…
None of the evangelists mention San José, electrician: Here’s a lamb emerging from the tower blocks with which urban planners chose to blanket the lower half of the old market square, which has been jacked up to cover a huge underground carpark: All on this walk.
Dido and Hengist are remembered as early heroes of isoperimetry for having solved the challenge of maximising the area of a land grant made to them by stringing together strips of oxhide and using the resulting closed superthong to trace, respectively, a semi-circle at Carthage and a full circle at Kaercorrei. What was news to…
I am building a bird table so I can catch tasty little birds with a net and fry them in bechamel for breakfast. Its leg consists sturdy spring, which will cause pigeons, goats and other creatures undesirable for this purpose to fall off before they get to the bait.
Walking down the escalator at Fontana metro, I pass a undistinguished-looking middle-aged woman just as she skilfully inserts her hand into the bag of the girl standing, unaware, on the step below her. I grip her arm and say, Gotcha. Oh no, she says, it’s my daughter, but you’re right to do it: there are…
