Hank Williams and sustainable misery

This morning’s revelations of a depression <=> Prozac symbiosis are nothing more than a variation on the old Guinness-is-good-for-you pub therapy industry. The trick is to recognise it as such and manage it effectively. While it is evident that Hank Williams failed in the latter respect, I think that one of his songs contains a remarkable recipe for the rest of us.

When John Dowland sang “Flow, my tears, fall from your springs!” he was setting the pattern for countless Cry me a rivers, in which the physical manifestation of misery takes its flight through one’s orbs, ne’er to return. Mr Williams appreciated the futility of this and wrote instead:

There’s a tear in my beer
’cause I’m cryin’ for you, dear
You are on my lonely mind

Into these last nine beers
I have shed a million tears
You are on my lonely mind

What Hank has figured out is that crying into one’s beer reduces its alcohol content so that one regains sobriety and, tears temporarily exhausted, can recommence:

Hank Williams: eternal misery guaranteed

And there is no reason why–given food, sanitation, and a tolerant barman–this cycle should not continue more or less indefinitely. The only issue that still requires clarification is the ability of humans to ingest a million tears every nine beers or so. What is the mass of a tear?

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  1. Sonnyboy Williamson:
    The sky is cryin, look at the tears roll down the street.
    The sky is cryin, look at the tears roll down the street.
    I’m wadin in tears lookin for my baby,
    And I wonder, where can she be?

    I saw my baby one mornin, and she was walkin on down the street.
    I saw my baby one mornin, and she was walkin on down the street.
    Made me feel so good,
    Until my poor heart would skip a beat.

    I got a bad feelin, my baby, my baby don’t love me no more.
    I got a bad feelin, my baby don’t love me no more.
    Now, the sky’s been cryin,
    The tears rollin down my nose.

    What a loser.

  2. Found it @ K***a Lite. “This time ladies and gentlemens” he says, “The skies is cryin, look at yo tears rollin down the street,” he sings, and the rest is different too. Can’t work out whether the monica player is called MT or Empty. Then “I’ve got a funny feelin” with some wowowowobbles. So maybe Hank wasn’t the best after all.

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