Transport prices mail-order sale of Spanish cheese to UK etc private customers?

More delights from the lives of SME exporters in the EU.

An acquaintance with a well-run Spanish online sales operation wants to start mailing small orders (say a couple of 2kg cheeses) to British and German clients, but the lowest transport quote he’s got from various Spanish transporters within the 0-8ºC margin is 225€ (!!!) because they won’t work internationally with anything smaller than a palette. Any better ideas, apart from paying Ryanair tickets for unemployed couriers?

(And while you’re at it, what about a scheme for clarifying VAT reverse charging procedures across the EU, particularly for invoices between those jurisdictions where registration is voluntary up to decent single trader earnings and those which haven’t got a similar arrangement and don’t give a Å¿uck about the rest of the zone except when their cucumbers are suspected of having been employed in a Hanseatic sailors’ brothel.)

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  1. First you need to change the entire climate and ecosystem so that the sheep eat aromatic herbs, condoms and old fridges rather than the green green grass of home, otherwise it won’t taste the same.

  2. @Náiguel Too obvious, the well-run business has certainly checked with competitors over at Ebay. It will have found out that a 2kg parcel costs around 20 Euros.

    And think about the carbon footprint!

  3. Don’t think they’ve done a huge amount of research. Fedex refrigerated overnight in the EU costs around 30€ for 3kg.

  4. Does cheese survive freezing? If so, mylar wrapper and regular overnight courier.

  5. At the other temperature extreme, I have been wondering about the potential of running down the world’s stockpiles of ballistic missiles by using them as door-to-door cheese delivery vehicles. I imagine Wallace and Gromit will have covered this, and the drag and other properties of a variety of cheeses, with the inevitable conclusion that this foreign muck isn’t needed anyway.

  6. I reckon that ICBMs are exposed to cosmic radiation, and I wonder what that would do to cheese. I’m sure it would not be allowed on the German market without much testing.

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