Alostrophe! Now you see’s it, now you dont!

Two missing apostrophes near the grocer’s grocer.

The 2014 Ofsted report for Orchard Primary School in Hackney said:

Pupils’ behaviour in lessons and around the school is exemplary. They have excellent attitudes towards learning…

But the school has edited it, inflating a compliment and introducing two grammatical errors and one stylistic ugliness:

Pupils behaviour in lessons and around the school is exemplary. Pupils attitudes to learning are exceptional.

How can something like this happen round the corner from the birthplace of Tesco?

Legalising the other extreme seems like a good idea, but give ’em an inch and they’d probably add verbs to their home territory of plural nouns. In a few years we might find something like this:

Outstanding teaching inspire’s pupil’s to enjoy learning so that they make very rapid progres’s and develop excellent personal skill’s.

I believe someone has already invented a means of communicating using only apostrophes and spaces, or something.

Amy MacLaren seems to have invented alostrophe in 2013, twitting a Daily Star headline which read:


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  1. I think I’ve found one of those apostrophes. From Around Town Upminster: ‘Welcome to Essex golf at it’s best!’
    Also, on another topic, jobs for the week: ‘Keep an eye on any slugs trying to get at your potatoes.’ Presumably this is mainly in daylight hours.
    I can’t get through the captcha if your system thinks a bubble tea is a milk shake.

  2. Some friends started a bubble tea shop in an English provincial town but had to close because no one knew what it was. I didn’t know that “fish slice” was the English expression for something I’ve been using most days for quite a long time. Life beyond apostrophes and alostrophes is pretty hard.

    I think I could probably manage the slugs, though the failure of my application to be rat catcher for the Dinkel Delta Authority (I can’t swim in any useful sense) rankles and humiliates years later.

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