Balearic sex tourism

The head of the Balearics tourism authority, Juan Carlos Alía, has just had to resign following the revelation – brought out by some smart work by socialist deputy, Antonio Diéguez – that he tried to include a trip to one of Moscow’s top brothels, Rasputin, on his expenses claim. Alía was in Moscow to give a presentation promoting the Balearics and attend a game between Spartak and Mallorca. The Balearics government is still refusing to say who was with Alía and is specifically denying that he was accompanied by the the islands’ PP president and tourism councillor, despite the fact that the number of entry tickets claimed was the same as the number of people in the official party.

Alía is well-known among Mallorca’s German community and was responsible for announcing a change of tourism strategy last autumn. Forget golf courses and quiet farm holidays, he said, from now on, every tourist was welcome, and in particular the hordes of heavy-drinking Germans who had made the fortunes of a small group of islanders. Here is a translation of a parody from Norddeutscher Rundfunk (NDR):

Mallorca: Still for many Hamburgers their favourite island. A two and a half hour flight and you’re in the sun. In recent times, however, not all travellers were welcome: people had got tired of boozing, bawling Ballermann tourists. But now things have changed and Mallorca’s tourism manager says that what’s important is tourists’ money.

Buenos dias dear leesners in Echairmany. Mi name ees Juan Carlos Alia. I am tourism manager of Mallorca. I want have thees opportunity to essay: yes, we have made meestakes. But I essay you today: Ole, come please back. Come back dear eskat [skat] brothers and bowling seesters! We need you, we loves you! You made rubbish, you made noisy, you drink esangria with long estraws out of buckets, but we loves you! You wanted dance to four o’clock into the morning. No problemo! Vamos! Ees better not esleep than not earn. Yes I essay you: Free beer for all and I want ten naked hairdressers… Many thanks! Muchas Gracias!

It should not be particularly hard for the opposition parties to find more skeletons in either Mr Alía or the local PP’s closets, and with any luck the government will have resigned before everyone goes on holiday in August.

A capable person like Mr Mr Alía should have no problem in finding another job, and he could do worse than ask the Moscow sex club for advice. The Russians do things differently, and none more so than Rasputin himself. Apparently Brian Moynahan’s Rasputin, The Saint Who Sinned describes how,

Having smashed-up a smart Moscow night-club, Rasputin was challenged to prove that he was who he said he was. In response, “He unbuttoned his trousers and waved his penis at the waiters and onlookers.”

So how did they know it was Rasputin? Check the photo and see if you can figure. Igor Knyazkin, the chief of the prostate research center of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, aka the Petersburg Sex Museum, said:

Having this exhibit, we can stop envying America, where Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis is now kept. Napoleon’s penis is but a small “pod” it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimeters.

I had never previously understood what people meant when they told me that the European spirit had preserved civilisation.

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