Vaguely re this, I was surprised to find that medieval Spanish local legal codes are thick with arse. Fueros sometimes proscribe face-arse contact and are generally quite stern about insertions of any nature, unless of course they form part of fun-for-all, legally sanctioned punishments. By the sixteenth century arsebanditry has become slightly more fun–unless, of course, you’re an Indian being tortured by priests: see for example Felipe Guamán Poma de Ayala, El primer nueva corónica y buen gobierno. Bottoms turn up in anthologies of jokes:
In a place in this kingdom they were praising the reception that had been given to a Lord and a vulgar person said, “Well, you’re quite full of this do, but I once saw a much better one.” Asked which, he said, “They gave a much better one to this dog of mine. Why, when it came to this place, there wasn’t a single dog or bitch didn’t come over and smell and kiss its arse.”
(Luis de Pinedo, Libro de chistes, ca 1550)
(Luis de Pinedo, Libro de chistes, ca 1550)
… of proverbs:
He who must kiss a dog’s arse will have little problem staying clean.
(Hernán Núñez, Refranes o proverbios en romance, ca 1549)
(Hernán Núñez, Refranes o proverbios en romance, ca 1549)
… and of tales:
A lady sent a boy called Mondragón, a native of Biscay, to buy her a partridge, because she felt unwell, and told him to make sure it didn’t stink. Having made his purchase, he opened its beak to see if it stank. It did not, so he took it home, saying, “Got a lovely partridge for you here, missus.”
She took the bird from him and, smelling it down below, as was customary, and noting the unsurpassable stench issuing from it, said to him, “This partridge stinks, Mondragón.”
The Biscayan replied, “If its arse is what you smell, then I stink too, and you as well.”
(Juan de Timoneda, Buen aviso y portacuentos, 1564)
She took the bird from him and, smelling it down below, as was customary, and noting the unsurpassable stench issuing from it, said to him, “This partridge stinks, Mondragón.”
The Biscayan replied, “If its arse is what you smell, then I stink too, and you as well.”
(Juan de Timoneda, Buen aviso y portacuentos, 1564)
My general impression is that sixteenth century Basque jokes differ from contemporary ones in the language defects parodied and in the character attributed to their subjects: Dadaist yokels then, the Texans of Spain now. Sometimes the jokes are beyond me. Here, from the same collection, is a story of which I can make neither head nor hole:
Two Biscayans were walking along a path together when they saw a farm labourer ploughing. One of them said to him, “Farmer, what are you sowing?”
“Flowerpots, lads,” he replied. [This is where I lose it. Is the “A” in “A tiestos” archaic, proverbial, or what?]
They went on and had walked some way when one Biscayan said to the other, “What did that mean, flowerpots?” [Here fun is being had with Basques’ attributed inability to suss verb agreements in Spanish]
“God only know what filthy insults that peasant utter,” said the other. “We go back.”
Arriving, the Biscayan said to the labourer, “You come here and I give you flowerpots.”
“Kiss my arse,” replied the labourer.
“I with him too,” said the other Biscayan.
“You with him too,” said the labourer.
“I don’t want,” said the Biscayan. “Good that you don’t want.”
And they went on their way.
“Flowerpots, lads,” he replied. [This is where I lose it. Is the “A” in “A tiestos” archaic, proverbial, or what?]
They went on and had walked some way when one Biscayan said to the other, “What did that mean, flowerpots?” [Here fun is being had with Basques’ attributed inability to suss verb agreements in Spanish]
“God only know what filthy insults that peasant utter,” said the other. “We go back.”
Arriving, the Biscayan said to the labourer, “You come here and I give you flowerpots.”
“Kiss my arse,” replied the labourer.
“I with him too,” said the other Biscayan.
“You with him too,” said the labourer.
“I don’t want,” said the Biscayan. “Good that you don’t want.”
And they went on their way.
Those last three lines have me as confused as Hull. Please tell me if you know what I’m missing–the original is down below, as the bishop said to the choirboy.
Originals, all from CORDE:
- Como en un lugar de este reino loasen un rescebimiento que se había hecho a un Señor, dijo un truhán: – Pues loáis este rescebimiento, yo he visto otro harto mejor. Preguntado cuál, dixo: – A este mi perro se le han hecho mejor, que cuando vino a este lugar, no quedó perro ni perra que no le viniese a oler y besar en el culo.
- El que ha de besar el perro en el culo no ha menester limpiarse mucho.
- Envió una señora a un criado suyo, llamado Mondragón, natural de Vizcaya, que le comprase una perdiz, porque se sentía de mala disposición, y que mirase que no hediese. Comprada que la hubo, abrióle el pico, para ver si hedía. Viendo que no, trújola a casa, diciendo:
-He aquí un buen perdiz, señora.
Tomándola, y oliendo por bajo, como es de costumbre, y viese que hedía a más no poder, díjole:
-Esta perdiz hiede, Mondragón.
Respondió el vizcaíno:
-De esa suerte, señora, si culo has de oler, también hombre vivo hiedes, y mujer. - Yendo camino de compañía dos vizcaínos, vieron un labrador que estaba arando, al cual dijo el uno de ellos:
-Labrador, ¿qué siembras?
Respondió:
-A tiestos, hermanos.
Prosiguiendo su camino, habiendo caminado buen rato, dijo el un vizcaíno al otro:
-¿Qué quieres decir a tiestos?
Respondió el otro:
-Juras a diez que pullas te ha echado el villano. Volvamos allá.
Vueltos, dijo el vizcaíno al labrador:
-Sobre a tiestos vienes aquí hacerte desafío.
Respondió el labrador:
-Bésame en el culo.
Dijo el otro vizcaíno:
-Yo también con él.
Respondió el labrador:
-Vos también con él.
-No quiero -dijo el vizcaíno-. Agradece que no quieres.
Y así se volvieron su camino.
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