How to grow enough mustard for a salad from seed in two hours

Ingredients: a horse, a fire, seed.

From Hannah Glasse‘s stupendous The Art of Cookery, made plain and easy; Which far exceeds any Thing of the Kind yet published. (1774, first published 1747):

Take fresh horse-dung hot, lay it in a tub near the fire, then sprinkle some mustard-seeds thick on it, lay a thin layer of horse-dung over it, cover it close and keep it by the fire, and it will rise high enough to cut in two hours.

Laws on sodomy were stricter then and on animal welfare more liberal, so I don’t know whether people without a fire simply stuffed the seeds up the nearest donkey’s arse and hoped for the best and a timely fart. There are folk tales that use this motif, though I don’t think they show in Aarne–Thompson.

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